Turns out, as a developer, most of my job is editing an existing program. this also involves debugging the program using a debugger that can help me to find the source of the bug, which, I’m not really good at. I somehow managed to drift through the jobs over the past 10 years, just learning one thing, and one idea in my mind, which I said to someone long back because of an excitement I had.

Lesson learnt

1. Keep things that you love to yourself
2. If you share, you cannot care
3. since you love it, you care not to share
4. if you spell it, you are casting a spell on yourself to create it.
5. A spell casted on my own self, became a bliss and a curse, added a meaning to my life, because it had kept me alive.

I was so excited one day to get a job at a company as a programmer analyst. It had programmer in it, I thought my job is to analyse the programmers or a programmer who is an asshole because analyst has anal and a cyst, like a anal decease called piles.

I chased programming, because it makes you do cool things, instead of watching a program on a tv, you write a program and watch it on the TV. I’m mean, like a creator, not a consumer.

Consumers are lazy, comfort seeking, not good for life, I’m borderline between this and that, because when you know less, you have an opportunity to know more, more you know, less you see. Less you know, easy to solve.

I chose programming as a job because I can program myself in the job

Being a christian, I saw everyone as same, not realising that I’m little different as the age passed by, because I never socialised with anyone outside the world and have no clue what reality look like. When I get socialising, and I get stressed, I get into panic attack mode.

During one point in my life, I was able to channel the panic attacks into something productive. Either ways, I was always trying to focus on one thing and one thing only. Programming job or automating my work.

Running in circles

I learnt every aspect of programming, its good if you are a problem solver, then It occurred to me that I’ll have to be good at problem solving before programming, because during the early stage, while I was learning to program, I got attached to it.

From solving computer related problems, I realised that it is not going to take me anywhere in my career. Just like how I chose programming when compared to watching Tv, I wanted to be the source of problems that I pick and solve. Most of the problems in the web or the outside are created by someone else, and stuffed on the people’s brain. Which I didnt like, I wanted to use less of other’s stuffs and more of my own creation.

My own creations are ugly, but it works. I focus on solving the core piece of a problem because once you solve the core, everything that is on top will get solved automatically.

From choosing a job as automation tester, I saw someone else was more good at writing automation than I. It was at this point that I’ll never be able to sharpen that skill and be first. From automation engineer, I switched my profile towards web development, as one of the job I was assigned is to build an app that helps retail companies to view their automation test reports.

During this time, an idea occurred to me that I can build an builder that builds the builder, make it as a product sell it, make some money out of it.

Turns out the friend I shared this idea with, he didnt believe, and I was alone. We parted our ways. He sacrificed a good opportunity because he gave me a company.
I cracked a programming job interview and it was a dream job, good colleagues, unfortunately, in six months, my mind started seeing the patterns, and wanted to chase something else.

I jumped to another company, because the previous company was a contractual role to the parent company and I knew its not going to last. I made a switch, also during this time I had two good friends, very sharp, smart, good at problem solving.

I chose them because we had nothing else in common, I was a frontend developer, they are backend developer. They cant know that I dont know frontend. We are having fun, learning, partying, roaming at the same time.

Then, I moved to a different company. These friends of mine know that I’m smart, and they told me that I’m getting paid very less than the market. For me, its a different case.

Then I got into another company, I liked the interview process because it was problem solving. The only data structure I believed is graph data structure. I moved out of that company because the place wasnt exciting, but the people were good. I’m still in touch with few of those.

While I was there, I got a call for a reputed company where I learnt a lot, a perfect place to find source of truth. I skipped for a call to onsite, I focused on just my goal. To be able to generate the code I wrote, instead I took a different route. I built an interface to view the code so that it is less distracting. Just to test my theory out, I solved a cross framework code generator which was not the goal I had. I wanted to build an interface to view the code base in less distracting way,. I got carried away, may be it was a test by the non-me on me on how I’m acting. fakkitifak, one cup of coffee please have a sip and duck.

It took my five years to find out where I went off course and got back to the place where I made my mistake.

I have few of the missing piece built already. I built ui-editor which is the framework code generator. I have no clue but it is a flipped version of what I wanted to build. I chose this because this seemed easier than building a code base scanner, trace the control flow, reduce the code base into a configuration base. and I have no clue where I’m at now anymore.

Here are the steps I wanted to try

1. write a code base scanner
2. learn from a parser how it builds the tree
3. tokenizer uses regular expression to identify tokens
4. which is a circling thought, because regular expression is also set of graph nodes, directed graph nodes to be prescise.
5. I’m lost here, because I’m running in circles.

Here are the alternative path I wanted to try which I spoke about to friends of mine, because I know I’m right.

1. Use a drawing tool
2. draw the app in it
3. draw user interaction and all possible states of the app,
4. generate the output as code

This is doable also causes me a panic attack and I dont know for sure. here are the pieces of the tool

1. use excalidraw
2. ask your friend to draw the data model in the tool
3. find your static ip address
4. share the link to the friend

This is insane, because I tried the same 7-8 years back while I was in that company, and asked him to do something like this. I’m crazy, doing the samething again and again, running in circles, gone mad.

Hence the proof that I have gone crazy.

But, this time, instead of asking that friend, let me try something different. Do not ask him!